my heart will choose to say

Last week, I wrote about my inability to sing one of the worship songs during church. It was a song called "Everlasting God," and no matter how hard I tried the words would not come (you can read my post here). This week, I had a similar experience at Colossae. At some point in the next few days, I'll  write about Sunday's message, because it was one that cut to the very core of me and what I am currently going through. The short version is that the message, and the songs that followed, all dealt with trusting God in the midst of difficulty.

The final song was "Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt and Beth Redman. It has long been one of my favorites, but as I heard my buddy Greg begin to strum the intro, I knew that singing it there and then would be different then all the times before. The song is based on the reaction of Job, immediately after he loses everything that he holds dear. Overcome with sorrow, Job tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell to the ground in worship saying "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" (Job 1:20-21). In the midst of the greatest anguish imaginable, Job worships the Lord with everything he has.

Enter me.

In the midst of my hurt, I sat there knowing the only proper response was to trust God in worship, regardless of my circumstances. No. Because of my circumstances. As was the case last week, I wasn't sure if I could sing these words. But I must. Especially, the last lines which echo Job's cry: "You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." There is no doubt that God "gave" to me starting back in January 2008. It cannot be explained by luck or random chance, it was clearly the Lord's hand at work. He gave me a beautiful gift that has nourished my soul for the past year and a half. And now, He has taken away.

So I stood, arms stretched out, tears trickling down my face, singing the words of this song. Singing through pain to worship and trust the Lord that gives and takes away. As difficult as it is, my heart chooses to say "Blessed be your name."

"Blessed Be Your Name"
Blessed be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name