work in progress

It has been months, 9 months to be exact, since my last post. I've started writing several, but as of yet, they just aren't ready. Watch for more soon. I have a three week break from school, and vacation time from work. So, I've got a little time to do the things I really enjoy - like writing.

In the mean time, I felt like it was time to update the blog visually and technically. I've already made the switch to a three-column blog format(!), and have started to change the look. In the next few days, there will be some additional changes including the header, new color scheme, and much more.


As for the promised posts on Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning, those will show up eventually. I'm currently in the midst of four other books that I want to finish over the break.

Thanks for the encouragement during the stretch when I've been off the grid, and for checking back to see if I've written anything new.

Merry Christmas!

alone and unknown

Every so often I get the feeling that I am, as the title of this post would indicate, alone and unknown. Or perhaps more accurately, unknown and alone.

In these instances, I am overcome by the feeling that very few, if any, know the real me - with all my baggage, issues, and flaws. The result is a palpable sense of being alone.

We all have an innate desire for intimacy, to be known. And yet it is often our own protectionist efforts that keep this desire from being realized. We are so preoccupied with guarding our hearts that we refuse to let down our facades so that others might see and know what is real and true.

And so we end up feeling alone and unknown...like I did tonight.

Your Love Is Strong

I heard this song for the first time at the Fiction Family concert on Wednesday, and was immediately struck by its familiarity and simplicity. It just may be my new favorite song.

The song is "Your Love Is Strong" by Jon Foreman.



Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
Give me the food I need to live through today
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

learning to trust - part 1

Seven months ago, I met with Tom Johnson at Chapters. He was preparing to retire from teaching at George Fox, and I wanted an opportunity to sit and have a conversation over coffee with this incredible man before he and his wife moved to the Seattle area. I didn't really know Tom very well, as we had little interaction beyond a few work-related things (he played a critical role in the presidential inauguration that I was responsible for). What I knew of him, however, was that he was a very well-respected, and much loved faculty member who deeply cared for others.

We talked a bit about The Shack, as he was planning on doing some writing about the book. He wanted to get my thoughts, and I wanted to pick his brain a bit too. It was a fascinating conversation. As we wrapped up the discussion about the book, Tom began asking questions about me: my background, my goals and desires, and what God was teaching me. I answered each of his questions, but as is my nature I held back a bit. This was in the midst of a fairly rough patch of life. A short but promising relationship had just ended, and I was a bit lost and overwhelmed as a result. Even though there are probably few people who can be trusted more in this world than Tom, I resisted complete vulnerability.

I did share that I had been wrestling a bit with trust, more specifically how, when and why I trust (or don't trust) God. What I found is that when confronted with deeper spiritual questions like this, Tom is a great person to talk through it with. He shared a bit about his own journey, careful not to imply that his experience held all the answers. As we concluded our time together, he suggested that I read Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. This book had really impacted Tom, and he thought that it may help me process through some of my thoughts on trust. It sounded like a good idea, and so I added it to my long list of books to read.

Several days later I had lunch with my friend Katie. As we talked about life she asked, "Have you ever read Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning?" I just smiled. She too spoke of the impact that this book had on her own spiritual journey. Two strong recommendations of a book that I had previously never heard of, by two disparate people in the span of a few days was enough for me. I bought the book later that day.

This morning, seven months later still wrestling with some of the same questions about trust, I started reading it with intentionality. (I've started it a few times over the past few months, usually as I am laying in bed falling asleep. And with school as an excuse, I just haven't made time for it. The snow outside became the perfect opportunity to begin.) I am quite sure that there will be a number of blogs that come out of this reading in the next few days and weeks, but for now I'll share a few quotes that stood out today.

"Craving clarity, we attempt to eliminate the risk of trusting God. Fear of the unknown path stretching ahead of use destroys childlike trust in the Father's active goodness and unrestricted love" (p. 6).

"The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment. The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision of guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise" (p. 13).