overwhelmed by refinement

Have you ever gone through a stretch when God was trying to teach you so much that your mind, and more importantly your heart, had absolutely no way to process it all? Or at least so you thought in the midst of the chaos. I hadn't until about two weeks ago. That's when God started in on me.

Each lesson came in such quick succession that it has been easy to get overwhelmed. As I began unpacking something that the Lord had showed me, the next thing would hit. My mind raced. I didn't know where to start. I haven't slept very well.

I'm not gonna lie, I haven't really enjoyed it all that much. It has been a confusing, frustrating, and exhausting experience. It has been painful and hard. I've cried. And yet, though the process is uncomfortable, this one fact makes it worthwhile: I know that my King is refining me. My heart is being transformed to be more like His.

James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Here are some of the things that God has confronted me with during this time. They are by no means new lessons or earth shattering ideas, but I am seeing them with more clarity now than before.

• My plans are not God's plans.
• When I say that I trust God, that often includes the unspoken condition "as long as things are going my way."
• I must learn to be still and quiet; to rest in him. (Psalm 46:10)
  
• I try to protect my heart, even though that is Jesus' job. (Philippians 4:7)
  
• I don't have to have all the answers.
  
• Man will often disappoint; God never will.
  
• I've got religious pride.
• I often find it difficult to accept love.
  
• When it comes to God, I think too much and don't allow my heart to engage.
• I need to be more earnest in prayer.

I don't know where or when I will emerge from this period of God's refining. On one hand I pray that it ends soon, and on the other I pray that it lasts for some time. For that is the very nature of this experience. Spiritually it is a very challenging period but also rewarding. Ultimately, God's plan is perfect, and I choose to fully place my trust in him, no matter how difficult that may be for me to do.

why we resist...part 1

Why do people have such a hard time being authentic with one another? Why do we put on intricate masks that hide our true selves? Why do so many people feel like they are, at least in part, living a lie? Why do we resist living as the people that God created us to be? And, why do all these things ring true in my life?

I think the answers to all these questions can be found in one simple truth: we long to be loved.

We want to be accepted, valued, cared about. Unfortunately our desire for these sentiments is so strong that, in many cases, we're willing to accept cheap forgeries (feelings of acceptance from those that only know our facades). We forsake the opportunity to experience the real thing and end up missing out on it altogether. How can we expect to experience real love and acceptance when we don't allow others to truly know us? Without exposing ourselves, the feelings and emotions which we hope to receive aren't based on fact, and are temporary at best. The affirmation we receive is hollow, which creates a wretched existence in which our deepest longing goes unfulfilled.

The reason is that as much as we long to be loved, we often possess an even greater measure of fear. Fear of not being loved; fear of being rejected. Our logic, although seriously flawed, asserts that by not letting others get too close, then their opportunity to dislike, reject, or otherwise hurt us is negated. We protect ourselves. It is a classic defense mechanism. It also works, to a certain extent: it is indeed harder for others to hurt us deeply when they are kept at arm's length.

And yet, the cost of employing this defense is the very thing that our hearts seek...love.

my journey to The Shack

I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young and am having a difficult time finding words to describe either the book itself or the impact that it is making on me. If you know me at all, you probably know that I seldom lack the words for anything. This is different.

The book tells a wonderful story of a father's journey to find true peace and relationship with God after his young daughter is abducted. The emotion of his search is raw and heart-wrenching. But through the process he comes to a full understanding of what it means to love, wrestles with forgiveness, and ultimately finds the peace that only God can provide.

As I read the last half of the book today I found my eyes welling with tears at the truth that this story contains. My heart was touched, and the way that I approach my Lord has been altered in significant ways.

You really should read this book.

naked in public

Humankind was created to live in true relationship with God and with one another.

In Genesis 2, the Lord formed Adam from dust, filled him with the breath of life, placed him in the garden to cultivate and keep it, and noted the need for man to have a helper. And so, from Adam's very flesh, the Lord created Eve. Chapter 2 ends with verse 25: "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Adam, Eve and God lived in a relationship characterized by true authenticity. So much so, that despite their nakedness, they felt no shame, no timidity, no nervousness, no fear, only love. Imagine a relationship where you could be that vulnerable, and yet not feel the slightest hint of vulnerability. That is what true relationship looks like.

A fairly common dream - although perhaps nightmare is a better description - is being naked in public (I admit I've had this one numerous times during my life). In most of these dreams the dreamer is the only one that recognizes their own lack of clothing. Now, I'm no psychologist. In fact, I've never taken a psychology course. But, my assumption is that these dreams all point to our collective fear of vulnerability.

Unfortunately, humankind has ceased to live in the true relationship that we were created for. Instead of being authentic, trusting one another, and loving others as we love ourselves, we often approach relationships with an eye on what we can gain from them. Seldom is this done as overtly as my words may suggest, but whenever we fail to view the needs of those we are in relationship with as significant as our own, we create an advantage in our favor. We use the guise of relationship to place ourselves in a position of power. The solution, although not easy, is to be vulnerable and to love others as we love ourselves.

I'm currently reading The Shack by William P. Young. It's a wonderfully written book about our need for true relationship with God. Earlier today I came across the following quote which I think we can all learn from in our quest to live in true relationship.

"Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself - to serve."