Why do people have such a hard time being authentic with one another? Why do we put on intricate masks that hide our true selves? Why do so many people feel like they are, at least in part, living a lie? Why do we resist living as the people that God created us to be? And, why do all these things ring true in my life?
I think the answers to all these questions can be found in one simple truth: we long to be loved.
We want to be accepted, valued, cared about. Unfortunately our desire for these sentiments is so strong that, in many cases, we're willing to accept cheap forgeries (feelings of acceptance from those that only know our facades). We forsake the opportunity to experience the real thing and end up missing out on it altogether. How can we expect to experience real love and acceptance when we don't allow others to truly know us? Without exposing ourselves, the feelings and emotions which we hope to receive aren't based on fact, and are temporary at best. The affirmation we receive is hollow, which creates a wretched existence in which our deepest longing goes unfulfilled.
The reason is that as much as we long to be loved, we often possess an even greater measure of fear. Fear of not being loved; fear of being rejected. Our logic, although seriously flawed, asserts that by not letting others get too close, then their opportunity to dislike, reject, or otherwise hurt us is negated. We protect ourselves. It is a classic defense mechanism. It also works, to a certain extent: it is indeed harder for others to hurt us deeply when they are kept at arm's length.
And yet, the cost of employing this defense is the very thing that our hearts seek...love.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
my journey to The Shack
I just finished reading The Shack by William P. Young and am having a difficult time finding words to describe either the book itself or the impact that it is making on me. If you know me at all, you probably know that I seldom lack the words for anything. This is different.The book tells a wonderful story of a father's journey to find true peace and relationship with God after his young daughter is abducted. The emotion of his search is raw and heart-wrenching. But through the process he comes to a full understanding of what it means to love, wrestles with forgiveness, and ultimately finds the peace that only God can provide.
As I read the last half of the book today I found my eyes welling with tears at the truth that this story contains. My heart was touched, and the way that I approach my Lord has been altered in significant ways.
You really should read this book.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
naked in public
Humankind was created to live in true relationship with God and with one another.
In Genesis 2, the Lord formed Adam from dust, filled him with the breath of life, placed him in the garden to cultivate and keep it, and noted the need for man to have a helper. And so, from Adam's very flesh, the Lord created Eve. Chapter 2 ends with verse 25: "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Adam, Eve and God lived in a relationship characterized by true authenticity. So much so, that despite their nakedness, they felt no shame, no timidity, no nervousness, no fear, only love. Imagine a relationship where you could be that vulnerable, and yet not feel the slightest hint of vulnerability. That is what true relationship looks like.
A fairly common dream - although perhaps nightmare is a better description - is being naked in public (I admit I've had this one numerous times during my life). In most of these dreams the dreamer is the only one that recognizes their own lack of clothing. Now, I'm no psychologist. In fact, I've never taken a psychology course. But, my assumption is that these dreams all point to our collective fear of vulnerability.
Unfortunately, humankind has ceased to live in the true relationship that we were created for. Instead of being authentic, trusting one another, and loving others as we love ourselves, we often approach relationships with an eye on what we can gain from them. Seldom is this done as overtly as my words may suggest, but whenever we fail to view the needs of those we are in relationship with as significant as our own, we create an advantage in our favor. We use the guise of relationship to place ourselves in a position of power. The solution, although not easy, is to be vulnerable and to love others as we love ourselves.
I'm currently reading The Shack by William P. Young. It's a wonderfully written book about our need for true relationship with God. Earlier today I came across the following quote which I think we can all learn from in our quest to live in true relationship.
"Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself - to serve."
In Genesis 2, the Lord formed Adam from dust, filled him with the breath of life, placed him in the garden to cultivate and keep it, and noted the need for man to have a helper. And so, from Adam's very flesh, the Lord created Eve. Chapter 2 ends with verse 25: "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Adam, Eve and God lived in a relationship characterized by true authenticity. So much so, that despite their nakedness, they felt no shame, no timidity, no nervousness, no fear, only love. Imagine a relationship where you could be that vulnerable, and yet not feel the slightest hint of vulnerability. That is what true relationship looks like.
A fairly common dream - although perhaps nightmare is a better description - is being naked in public (I admit I've had this one numerous times during my life). In most of these dreams the dreamer is the only one that recognizes their own lack of clothing. Now, I'm no psychologist. In fact, I've never taken a psychology course. But, my assumption is that these dreams all point to our collective fear of vulnerability.
Unfortunately, humankind has ceased to live in the true relationship that we were created for. Instead of being authentic, trusting one another, and loving others as we love ourselves, we often approach relationships with an eye on what we can gain from them. Seldom is this done as overtly as my words may suggest, but whenever we fail to view the needs of those we are in relationship with as significant as our own, we create an advantage in our favor. We use the guise of relationship to place ourselves in a position of power. The solution, although not easy, is to be vulnerable and to love others as we love ourselves.
I'm currently reading The Shack by William P. Young. It's a wonderfully written book about our need for true relationship with God. Earlier today I came across the following quote which I think we can all learn from in our quest to live in true relationship.
"Relationships are never about power, and one way to avoid the will to power is to choose to limit oneself - to serve."
Sunday, February 10, 2008
ash wednesday on sunday
And so, my Lenten journey begins. Albeit, four days late.
Tonight I went to my parents house for dinner. We were celebrating my Grandmother's 85th birthday. My mom cooked, we sat around and talked, and we sang. It was really nice to spend time with my family. After all, one of the reasons I decided to move back to Oregon was to be here for moments like these, especially with family.
Shortly after dinner, I hit a wall. I was exhausted. Coming off my 17 hour day during Homecoming yesterday, and with a stomach full of delicious food, tiredness set in. This could be expected, and it really wasn't a big deal. After a little more conversation, my mom drove my grandparents back to their place. After she left my dad and I started talking about computers (we are both looking to get new ones), the condition of our lawns, and other not so important things. But in the midst of this conversation, I found myself getting annoyed at my dad. I don't know why. Perhaps the fact that I was tired played into it. But in and of itself, I think that excuse is a cop out. When there was a short break in dialog I said, "I'm going to take off." I hurriedly got in my car and drove away.
That's when it hit me that I was annoyed over nothing. I turned off the CD to think. I began to pray out loud for answers, for patience, for peace.
Unfortunately, in the midst of my busyness, I have found myself losing patience and getting annoyed more and more lately. As I prayed I knew that the answer is the need to slow down, to be still, to be more honest about my limits, to be quicker to lay my burdens before God. I started in the car. I forced myself to drive just below the speed limit, which was really tough for me. I thought of Matthew 11:28 when Jesus says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." This verse hangs on my wall in my bedroom, and I love the promise that it conveys. But how often do I take Jesus up on his promise? It starts with me needing to come.
When I got home I pulled out the Lent reader that my friend Mark Benjamin, our Director of Discipleship and Worship Arts, put together for the campus. I think God had Mark put it together for me specifically. One the first page it talks about returning to the basics: repentance and faith. Sounds like what I need to do. It also includes a quote from Thomas Merton that says "the greatest enemy of spiritual authenticity is busyness." More confirmation. (Refer to the name of this blog.) Mark also exhorts our community to "make an effort together this Lent to slow down and attempt to cultivate an attention for God." As if I needed any more confirmation that God wanted me to read this tonight, I came across this quote in the first devotional, "There is so much in me that needs to die: false attachments, greed and anger, impatience (bingo) and stinginess.
I end this blog with three final pieces from this devotional: a verse, a question, and a prayer.
Joel 2:12-13
"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
Question
How can I rejoice fully in your Resurrection when I have avoided participating in your death?
Prayer
O Lord, make this Lenten season different from the other ones. Let me find you again.
Tonight I went to my parents house for dinner. We were celebrating my Grandmother's 85th birthday. My mom cooked, we sat around and talked, and we sang. It was really nice to spend time with my family. After all, one of the reasons I decided to move back to Oregon was to be here for moments like these, especially with family.
Shortly after dinner, I hit a wall. I was exhausted. Coming off my 17 hour day during Homecoming yesterday, and with a stomach full of delicious food, tiredness set in. This could be expected, and it really wasn't a big deal. After a little more conversation, my mom drove my grandparents back to their place. After she left my dad and I started talking about computers (we are both looking to get new ones), the condition of our lawns, and other not so important things. But in the midst of this conversation, I found myself getting annoyed at my dad. I don't know why. Perhaps the fact that I was tired played into it. But in and of itself, I think that excuse is a cop out. When there was a short break in dialog I said, "I'm going to take off." I hurriedly got in my car and drove away.
That's when it hit me that I was annoyed over nothing. I turned off the CD to think. I began to pray out loud for answers, for patience, for peace.
Unfortunately, in the midst of my busyness, I have found myself losing patience and getting annoyed more and more lately. As I prayed I knew that the answer is the need to slow down, to be still, to be more honest about my limits, to be quicker to lay my burdens before God. I started in the car. I forced myself to drive just below the speed limit, which was really tough for me. I thought of Matthew 11:28 when Jesus says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." This verse hangs on my wall in my bedroom, and I love the promise that it conveys. But how often do I take Jesus up on his promise? It starts with me needing to come.
When I got home I pulled out the Lent reader that my friend Mark Benjamin, our Director of Discipleship and Worship Arts, put together for the campus. I think God had Mark put it together for me specifically. One the first page it talks about returning to the basics: repentance and faith. Sounds like what I need to do. It also includes a quote from Thomas Merton that says "the greatest enemy of spiritual authenticity is busyness." More confirmation. (Refer to the name of this blog.) Mark also exhorts our community to "make an effort together this Lent to slow down and attempt to cultivate an attention for God." As if I needed any more confirmation that God wanted me to read this tonight, I came across this quote in the first devotional, "There is so much in me that needs to die: false attachments, greed and anger, impatience (bingo) and stinginess.
I end this blog with three final pieces from this devotional: a verse, a question, and a prayer.
Joel 2:12-13
"Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
Question
How can I rejoice fully in your Resurrection when I have avoided participating in your death?
Prayer
O Lord, make this Lenten season different from the other ones. Let me find you again.
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